Betrayed

Well this week started out in royal form!! We were supposed to have started our first cycle of IVF this week, but much to my surprise we were put off yet again! This time however I have lost all faith in the RE. At my last appt he told me that we would begin this cycle with no Lupron, that I would not have to take another month of BCP and that we would start stims on CD3. Well all of the was apparently him talking out of his rearend because we are still doing Lupron, I am starting another month of BCP and we are not starting stims until the last week it January!!

I know that he probably thought that telling me something was better than saying "I don't know" but he was wrong. I don't know is an acceptable ok answer to a question that you don't have an answer to. Giving an IVFer fasle hope is like putting penut butter on a rat trap. Lure him in and then snap his neck. False hope feels about the same.

After I got back from my appt yesterday I realized that the "wait" is not as bad as the nurse made it sound on the phone, but there is more than the wait that is killing me. Now I have no hope. For the first time since we were diagnosed as "Infertile" I can not seem to grasp hope. The same RE that filled me full of crap at our last appt is the one that told me "I will get pregnant". Will I?? I mean everything else he has told me has been wrong, so is he wrong about this??

I really want to believe that I will get pregnant but this RE has betrayed my trust. My trust in him and his medical staff and his ability to get me pregnant. I know that you are thinking, "Can't you find a new doctor?" We could, I have looked, but Michael doesn't want to. And we have already put too much time, effort and money into this doctor to go somewhere else. I will just have to deal and keep praying that God can work inspite of this doctor!

New Cycle Protocol:

Start BCP (Nuva Ring) - 12/31
Start Lupron - 1/18
Start Stims - 1/25
Possible Egg Retrival - 2/5
Possible 3day Transfer - 2/8
Possible 5day Transfer - 2/10
Beta Test Results - 2/20